Borderline

"It flows through my veins

Such is my lifeblood

Without, I am naught

The sugar on which

I survive and thrive

And keeps me alive

Of joy and then pain

Of love and sadness

Of passion and rage

Embraced by the void

In my heart and soul

Let me come heal you"

I am someone who is driven by her emotions, her passions. I am what we call an empath, especially very strong on the emotionnal side. Passions and emotions, are what my blood is made of. The music in my life brings it alive. It beats to the train of thoughts and dreams in my mind. Without it, I am but a shell, without meaning or goal in life.

Such is my curse.

I can go from happy, filled with joy and hope to angry and raging in an instant. I absorb the feelings of others, and they become an integral part of myself. I have no control over my emotions and their strength. As much as I have been trying to keep control, this extremely powerful urge to exteriorize them has been drawing me into difficult and delicate situations my whole life, towards my friends, family, and even in this vast virtual world we call internet.

Such is the rollercoaster of my life.

Love and joy can bring pain, a pain so intense, so vivid, you can almost touch it, but like a ghost, it is yet invisible, and the only way to distract yourself from it or get rid of it, is searching for another pain, a replacement for this first one, one you can see, touch, have control over... And once this crisis has come and passed, you then go on to fill this void again that has come, because without emotions or feels, you are but nothing, an empty shell without meaning.

Such is the life of the borderline person that I am.

P.S. I wrote this poem myself... my first ever in english.

An update

Well! It's been a long while... haha! As if I'm waking up from a loooonng slumber... Not quite! Family life has kept me busy, and now that things are finally settling down, I can post an update.

I've picked up my knitting needles once again, and for my unfinished projects, one is about 50% done, still didn't continue my son's blanket, and I've begun a third one, for one of my cousins awating a baby. I've also decided to buy a gift, to me from me, needles from knit picks! Can't wait to receive them and try them out! There'll be more to come for sure! Hehe. Oh, after my first projects are done, I've also decided to try and sell some of my creations for a little extra pocket money... We'll see how it goes.

My son is now 13 months old, and he's about to start walking on his own. He can stand up on his two legs without falling for a little while, but he still didn't take his first step yet. Not sure I want this day to come... he's already a little monster!! He learned a sign from baby sign language (milk), and knows "mama" and "daddy" in french... Thats a start!

My little girl is getting better in drawing although I still can't make her hold a pencil properly... hopefully soon! She got her first bike for her birthday, if we can finally have some warm sunny days we'll be able to go outside for her first ride... especially, learning how to use the pedals! We're working hard on her words, she may be a little behind, but I'll have answers for that soon... hopefully.

As for me, my tattoo has begun! Most of the lines are done, but the colors will take a little longer... I can't wait to continue this project!

Right now, I'm happy with how things are going, except that I regret not moving out this year... I can't wait to find a new appartment. We're so cramped in here, it's too small now with a baby and a toddler!

Well that's it... Gotta go now, I got my lil kitten stirring up trouble again!

Till next time, Kirsha.

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars

This is a recipe I really have to try someday!

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars

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Crust:

2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened

Cheesecake Filling:

3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened

3/4 cup sugar, plus 2 tablespoons, divided

3 large eggs

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Apples:

3 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium bowl, combine flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter with a pastry blender (or 2 forks) until mixture is crumbly. Press evenly into a 9x13 baking pan lined with heavy-duty aluminum foil. Bake 15 minutes or until lightly browned.

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese with 3/4 cup sugar in an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth. Then add eggs, 1 at a time, and vanilla. Stir to combine. Pour over warm crust.

In a small bowl, stir together chopped apples, remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle evenly with Streusel topping. Bake 40-45 minutes, or until filling is set. Drizzle with caramel topping and let cool. Serve cold and enjoy!

Streusel Topping:

1 cup firmly packed brown sugar

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 cup quick cooking oats

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

In a small bowl, combine all ingredients. I like to really combine it by using my clean hands to thoroughly combine the butter into the mixture.

Recipe found on Andreas-Country-Home-Cookin

If you try it... let me know how it was!

Blocky Addiction

Minecraft. Blocks. Blocks, and more blocks. Endless Creativity. Endless possibilities. How about playing a game on a computer in a game on your computer out of blocks and powder?

Wait... What?

Yes, you heard me right. People have been creating computers, with the display, hard drive, every part you may need out of redstone and a few blocks. Some others have taken it a step further, creating games you can play on those very computers, inside minecraft.

I've always wanted to learn redstone. I have some basics in programming, but no more. Even opening double doors at the same time in minecraft, I'm not even sure I could do that. Stealth doors? Even less, I didn't touch a single piston ever since they're out.

I envy those people, creating some amazing maps, puzzles, games, contraptions, and more. What's so difficult? It's like programming: "If/then/else", "wait", "or", there's dozens of setups out there! Heck, even my boyfriend is a programmer!

Stupid game. Why did I have to buy it way back in alpha? I'm addicted, I can't get away from it. I always come back and try new creations. But redstone always stops me, kind of like a blockage of some sorts.

One day, maybe. One day, I'll conquer that stupidly amazing game.

For the curious, check out the game right here.

Welcome traveler...

Welcome, traveler, to my world, where reality, fantasy and dreams have no limit, no boundaries... So please, take a seat, rest your weary feet for a while, and let me introduce myself.


Hi, I'm Annie, a french canadian stay-at-home mom with 2 kids and a boyfriend. I'm the faerie, my girl is the little butterfly, and my son, a kitten. Why these symbols? They are part of a tattoo I'm planning to have to symbolize my family.

The faerie: Me, myself and I, the very imaginative person, so distracted that I keep forgetting everything everywhere... Peanut butter in the fridge? Check! (Yes, I have ADD...)  And that's just one of many... I became a faerie when I first got pregnant, my boyfriend gave me a little pregnant faerie statue to symbolize our first child, and she wears my favorite colors! I have many dreams and hopes, many that wont come to fruitition, but that is fine, they make me smile everytime I think of them! They keep my hopes up... I knit, play video games and paint (well... used to, my toddler make this very difficult right now!) in my free time, as well as a few other random things, like Scrapbooking that I tried once...

The butterfly: My girl, sweet little girl that looks just like me when I was her age... She's that unpredictable girl that can go from crying to laughing to whining in an instant, always having hidden reserves of energy when you think you've finally managed to tire her out completely. She loves to help with anything and everything, from feeding her baby brother, keeping him warm and cozy in his sleep to trashing her dirty diapers and helping mommy to keep the house clean... at only 2 years old and a half! But don't give her anything when she's upset, she's got quite the character, haha!

The kitten: When my midwife told me I would have given birth like a cat, had it not been for his position in my belly (feet first). He's that sweet loving baby boy, always smiling, extremely social, most beautiful boy in the world... or at least, in my world! Anything will make him laugh, and he is lucky to have a big sister that loves him as much as his mommy does! There's not an ounce of jealousy between these two, it's as if they were twins!

Two hidden people remains, if we can say that... my boyfriend, and the family's cat, Leia!